Elephant love loneliness dating and relationships
I’m all those things in a culture that not only hates fat, and finds it repulsive, but also in a culture where fat dark-skinned women can only find roles in movies as maids.
Even so, one could argue that these mainstream films reflect the desires of white America, or more to the point, white men, and not Black men, which up to this point is the only group of men I’ve dated.
They usually find us I know there is this myth in Black America that brothers like their sisters thick, thick like a luscious milkshake, that “brings all the boys to the yard,” as it were.
But what I call thick and what the average brother calls thick is not the same thing. (Sister looks fabulous, by the way.) Not quite Gabourey Sidibe thick. And when I was doing the online dating thing (I’ve tried it twice, and I’m taking a break) I saw one brother that specifically said, “I’m not into the Mo’Nique thing, ladies.” Translation: No fat girls need apply.
I told them that I was taking a break from dating for a while to heal from the breakup. After being in a relationship for seven years and losing touch with a lot of friends, my social skills were pretty much nonexistent. As I was passing by a busy restaurant, I looked in the window and saw so many people at quiet, intimate tables sharing smiles and conversations over candle light. My mind became flooded with all of these thoughts like “Why is it never me in there with someone else? That’s not my proudest moment, and back then, I’d probably be ashamed to share that with you.
But with brothers I find, that they, too, have internalized a particular relationship to the body-type most associated with the mammy figure.
They see girls like me as sisters, as homegirls, but not as love options, because they don’t find big girls sexy.
I wanted to meet people, make new friends, and date, but I really thought I was just incapable of doing it. That was likely one of my lowest moments in my life, at least when it comes to loneliness.
However, I’m hoping that I can share some positive advice that I’ve learned since then that has helped me—and may just help you too.